1. Why do you make this webpage? Well, Have you
ever wondered if your band really DOES suck and your friends have just been lying to you? They probably have been,
but if you still aren't sure than send us your stuff and we'll let you
know. Does your friend's band really suck, but no one has told them yet? Are you too gutless to say it? Worry not!!
We'll do it for you!! We believe strongly that bands need to learn how to A) be criticized and B) Take a fucking joke.
We know all too well many are like little babies who want to live in their box where no one can hurt them and they can
believe they're the best. We provide those much needed lessons.
2. What makes you think you are qualified to provide feedback in such a manner? Well,
that's pretty easy. The first Amendment sums it up like this "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of
religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the
people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."
3. Why don't you get a life? - Is this really the best you can do? Trust me when I say, Life - We're
Qualified.
4. What's your problem? Are you jealous, is that why you do this? No jack hole, see question #1 and #2.
Everyone involved in this site has been in the music business in some form or another. Some of us still are. Most of us had even
had substantial success as musicians. At least better than playing for our 14 year old girlfriends.
5. Are you saying you date 14 year old girls? NO, well at least not anymore. There was that time in RENO,
but we won't discuss that here
6. How old are you guys anyway? Spazz is in his 30’s, Clay in his 20’s and Dickey, well Dickey has been
turning 28 for the past 6 years.
7. How much of “FYOURBAND’s” input should be taken as constructive criticism and how much should be taken as flat out Degradation? Read between the lines. If we say you have a better chance of having a sex sandwich with Angelina Jolie and Paris Hilton than making it in the music industry, believe us. If we tell you that your failed attempt at making lee press-on nails your “new cool thing” is a retarded gimmick, believe us. If we tell you that your drummer would be better suited playing a trash can in Harlem for spare change, believe us.
8. Should we really take the advice of “FYOURBAND”, and if so, how will that better us as a band? If you did everything that smarter people told you to do…you’d be in Linkin-Fucking-Park. We are telling you to your face what others are thinking and saying about you behind your backs. Ignorance may be bliss, but it won’t help your sound.
9. How can I get “FYOURBAND” to review my/my bands music? Clay – First thing you should do, is Suck something awful… then tell your friends how great you are. Sure enough one of them will send you to us. Alternatively you can send us your info, songs, band photos and then have a stiff drink and be patient.
10. If “FYOURBAND” reviews my/our music, will you at least put a clip of one of our songs on your site? If your crap anthem is warranting a public display, like the stoning of infidels in Persia, we will gladly parade it for all to witness your suck. Chances are your stuff will be played if you are either really excellent or really shitty. We have no time for mediocre, beige music, if you want to hear some mediocre, beige music, call up Verizon, get put on hold, and listen away.
11. Is it true that Spazz and Clay save all the Band Bio Photos for masturbation and sexual fantasy purposes during one of their animalistic homosexual sessions? Clay – iod lioke tio answer thios questioion but my “io” keys are stuck tiogether.
12. Do people really get pissed from the comments that are posted at “FYOURBAND”? See Progmatic. People get pissed because they claim they are being publicly humiliated on the site. What most don’t realize is that they publicly humiliate themselves at every show they play. So yeah, they get pissed.
13. If they really do get pissed, should they take an even better look at themselves because the fact that they got angry only proves your point that they take themselves way too fucking seriously? Exactly! It’s the equivalent of walking up to a 400lb man and saying Sir, you are a big fat lard ass. Sure it will hurt his feelings, but it might also inspire him to drag his bulbous bottom to the gym.
