6.21.06 - New Fucken Jersey!
Sorry for the lack of update fuckers, I been busy down in New Jersey, I won’t bore you with any details. I am sorting out my e-mail; there are lots of good shit and some really shitty fucking bands to checkout. Head back to the front page to checkout the shit ass band of the (mid) Month. Keep your hate mail coming, I love it!

5.25.06 - Blazin Hazen!
This guy is so bad it's good. Checkout his rhymes. Oh and yea, T-Shirts will be available soon, we also own the domain name fuckyourband.com.

5.08.06 - We have a new FAN!
Well it's been a busy couple weeks. You have a new option for getting to the website I have registered www.fuckyourband.net more new domains coming soon.

Checkout this excellent e-mail I recieved early last week, we have a new fan.

Are you aware that, much like the bands you mock, your website is an amateur knockoff of the real thing?

www.rockandrollconfidential.com

Your picture captions are not funny, and your review section is a mouth-breathing, ham-fisted, sweaty-assed attempt to be funny. It comes off as desperation for acceptance. Follow your own advice, it's either web designer or obese waste of skin. You're more qualified for the later.

I realize that not many people are content with a life of living in their mother's basement covered in cat hair eating cheetos and masturbating incessantly, but trust me when I say that this website is NOT your ticket to freedom. I would revisit that whole "kill her with a shovel and collect the insurance money" angle... it might work out better for you.

Just to abate your since of self-importance and constant paranoia: No, I am not in a band. No, I am not the owner of rockandrollconfidential. I came across your site, and I felt compelled to inform you that you are unfathomably unfunny. Get an original idea, or get better at suicide. Practice makes perfect.

fyourwebsite.

-AgentA

I thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I need to go masterbate more and eat my cheetos. . .till next time.

4.25.06 - Progmatic Never ceases to amaze me.
By now you are all aware that Progmatic is my favorite Shit Ass Band. To furthur my point of why this band is so terrible I present you The Sultan of Slander.

HAHAHAHAHA This song sucks donkey dicks. The last verse is a subliminal message to you, Spazz. I cannot believe the grammatical errors in this song. My two sons, one 10 and the other five, can spell chorus. They can even spell Krokus. Am I supposed to sweep the floor and do chores during this song? Is this like musical chairs or one, two , three red light? Progmatic, forever the king of the assclowns. Jimbo, that GED may be harder than playing in Progmatic. You may get a presidential pardon for being illiterate. Maybe if you start getting some books off the RIF fan when it comes by, like little Golden Books or Dr. Suess, you may learn to read and write.

THE SULTAN HAS SPOKEN

Here's the lyrics taken right from Progmatic's webpage, spelling errors and all.

3.20.06 - Read this and do me a fucking favor. . . .
Happy spring. It's fucking cold in Virginia, it was cold in Nashville and it will be cold when I arrive back home in Connecticut I am sure. I wanted to say Happy Spring, I realize just this second that I already have, so now that's twice? Anyway, do yourselves all a fucking favor go listen to and buy "Sleepytime Gorilla Museum" here's a LINK for all you lazy non-google using fucks. Goodbye for now.

2.10.06 - Final thoughts on Band of the Month for January.
As the month winds down to a close and a new shit ass, “Band of the Month” will emerge, I wanted to fill you all in on HELLBORN’s reaction to their nomination. On Thursaday Jan. 26th I received the following email. I have pasted it here EXACTLY as I received it. I did not alter it in any way at all.

“HELLBORN WAS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR FOR ONCE YOU CAN HEAR SOMEONE SING THE LYRIC, HOLLY SHIT, NO GOWL OR COOKIE MONSTER VOICES, THE SAME LOCAL SHIT YA HELLBORN HAS A FEMALE BUT SHE IS BETTER THE MALES WHO CAN'T SING SO THE SCREAM OR GROWL WEAK ASS SHIT”

Ok, for once I can hear someone sing the lyrics. Apparently I cannot hear people singing lyrics in any other song at all. “There’s a lady who’s sure/ all that glitters is gold…” must be my own interpretation of one of the greatest rock and roll songs ever written. Hmmm. I really want to know what the fuck “Holly Shit” is. Maybe the lead singer’s name is “Holly” or somethin’. Sigh. I hoped this was all I had to deal with, but no. Another e-mail came three minutes later.

“HEY JUST BECAUSE HELLBORN HAS A FEMALE SINGER DOESN'T MEAN THEY SUCK YOU ASSHOLE SEXIST PIG FAILED MUSICIAN WANABE. THEY ROCK AND NOT PLAYING THE COVER BAND BULLSHIT YOU WANT TO HEAR EAT ME YOU FAG FACE FUCK”

You’re wrong, Champ. They suck because they have no comprehension of what it takes to write a song, create a worthwhile webpage or even create a decent “look”. It has nothing to do with the talent less vocalist’s gender. I love this line “YOU ASSHOLE SEXIST PIG FAILED MUSICIAN WANABE”. It’s my favorite and will be up on the “Quote of the Moment” soon! So. Is this e-mail mess overwith? Hardly. Sometime around 12:30am on Friday, Jan 27th I got this e-mail.

“fuck you you fuckin fucks your website suck little boys cocks and you need to stop before you get caught what band do you play for FAGS nice do you see the bands play or just check out their websites inbetween child porn and gay pay sites thanks for your time fuck faces”

Do I really need to go into some rant about this one? I think it says it all. Up to now, I was enjoying myself and was hoping for something more creative to come along. Than to my surprise, I received the FINAL e-mail. It’s fucking killer.

“hello if you havent notice i think you got an email with my name on it but i need to let you know I DID NOT SEND IT MY ASSHOLE BROTHER SENT YOU A NASTY EMAIL WITH MY NAME ON IT I AM SORRY FOR THAT my brother is a big fan and doesnt like people bashing us i told him you have to expect that not everyone is going to like us but the biggest thing is he used my email address the cc name may be jesse that is me my brother is jeremy he wont say he is sorry but i am i respect you opinion of us and maybe there may be a tune you like from us one day but you are entitled to any opinions you have.. I guess you figured out what band i am in by the way thanks for the advice thanks the three year old”

If you want to hurl insults back at me, that’s fine. Hurl away, I can take it. However when you decide to backtrack like this and blame your little brother, well, that just drives home my point of how fucking lame you and your band really are. I encourage anyone who second guesses my thoughts on HELLBORN to go and take a peek at their webpage and well follow their directions to their rehearsal spot. You guys really need to quit now while you’re ahead. Or simply go on tour with Progmatic. Call it SUCK FEST 2006. I’ll buy a front row ticket, fuckers.


1.25.06 - Erik Gallup/SteveP @ Playbook!!!
So, I decided to venture out of my basement cave and hit up a bar to make fun of a buddy of mine and his attempt at an "acoustic set". This was Friday night and in case you were worried, I survived. But first, just a little background before the details. I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs. So me at a bar is rare, really fucking rare. Now with that being said, back to the night. I ran up a sixty dollar bar tab buying drinks for many of the- dare I say- “fans” of fyourband (bunch of fucking lightweights). My primary objective was to see my buddy Erik strum away on his acoustic while I provided background banter. I walked into the bar and he was doing his soundcheck..... “love song” by Tesla.
What a fag.

Right then and there I knew I had to get this poor fucker drunk. A seven and seven was ordered for Erik and a Sprite was poured for Spazz. And the night began.

Now, Erik actually played a decent set. Sure, I hated half the songs he chose. But what would you really expect? That I would actually LIKE a lot of that modern rock crap shit? Erik can sing. He only needs to practice a bit more and learn some mic control.

Next up was SteveP. SteveP is a New Kid on the Block (You remember that band of fags from the late 80’s?). Only he actually has some talent. He played a great set in the way only a Berkley graduate can; too perfect. My advice? Learn the songs, Steve. And leave the fucking songbook at home. He definately possesses skills. However, he lacked passion in the songs that he chose.

Finally, I would like to give a big shout out to my new favorite photo chick. Gina Martini!. She’s great! We had crazy monkey sex behind the bar.Now that’s my kind of woman!

Besides Ms. Martini, a big "Hail!" to the guys from BIG ED. Big Ed's Webpage. Randy and Cliff were fuckin great to hang out with and two, very funny fuckers as well. A middle finger up in your direction, fellas!

Well, stay tuned folks. There is a lot more to come here on fyourband!

1.17.06 - God-Dammit!!!
Sorry for the lack of attention to the site, I haven't forgotten, we've just been very busy behind the scenes. T-Shirts are almost ready and if you are interested in getting one send me an e-mail and I will put you on the list. I haven't too much else to report, my editor is working on cleaning up a bunch of shit so we will have more updates within the next 2 weeks. Later! Keep those e-mails coming!

1.5.06 - Happy New Year Fuckkers!!!
2006 is already starting to look like a great year for fyourband. Coming very soon is our new webpage as well as some merchandise. I just completed an order for T-Shirts featuring our new logo (as seen floating around myspace). I haven't made an "official" MySpace fyourband site, so if one of you decide to get ambitious, make one and I'll endorse it. I am finalizing the new staff for 2006 and have already met with some kick ass writers, camera operators, and web designers. I am excited for you all to see, hear and feel the changes, you'll fucking love em'.

12.8.05 - Site updates!!
Finally some updates! If you hit up the reviews page, I have added a new review as well an interview on the interview page. After getting a ton of e-mail with questions I have begun to assemble a FAQ page, it's the last link on the menu, go check them out now!

11.30.05 - Turkey, jobs, and sex
I'm just one fucking guy doing this fucking site all by my fucking self now. I used to have some co-contributors but I don't know what the fuck happened to them. I have gained a few people who are currently wearing the "support staff" title, I am unsure if I can disclose either of these individuals yet, however they soon will be revealed. I hope everyone had an enjoyable Thanksgiving and ate and drank too much. I saw some guy get pulled over and arrested for drunk driving, you drive drunk and get caught you fucking deserve jail time. I am trying my best to have some merchandise available for the holidays, T-Shirts and stickers are in the works. I also am working out details and will soon be adding the FYOURBAND girls to the site, you'll fucking love that! The New Year will bring a lot of very cool new stuff, thanks for the support thus far and stay tuned!

10.19.05 - Open Letter to Kai Blackwood
So today I discovered this review posted over at http://kaiblackwood.com:

"Very tight, L.A. style, straightforward Rock N' Roll. Unlike most L.A. style type rock, has intelligent and clever lyrics cut to fit snugly into anticipatory verses and catchy choruses." - www.Fyourband.com

The funny thing is, we don't remember writing it! None of us would ever use a word like "anticipatory" in anything we write, what a retarded word that is.... like "foreplay". I don't really understand what the point is in faking a review from us? Maybe it's just to get us to notice your band, which worked. I'm not a fan of the lie, I think lying about what anyone thinks of your band is fucking lame and it removes any credibility you might have had.

So Mr. Blackwood, for faking a review from us you are hereby sentenced to watch 12 hours of Gay Porno, the guy on guy stuff, with your whole band. I mean not just on one Television, but in a room full of televisions so the possibility of you diverting your eyes is removed. You will also be subject to Audio Torture… a listening Party of sorts… Ashley Simpson, "I am me" … over… and over…. and over… and over again. But not the wide release mix…. The Mix without the pitch correction and Pro tools magic, that makes her voice barely tolerable. How else can you pay your penance? Gay Porn, Ashley Simpson… I know! How about collaborating with our boy, Jim from Progmatic, I hear he needs a guitarist. We can call the record…. "Brain-dead on Ice"

Your music is indeed tight, LA Style straightforward rock n' roll. I beg to differ on the intelligent and clever lyrics part, honest your lyrics are about as smart and witty as the crack head outside my building who begs me for 50 cents for a coffee. Actually… he's quite witty. He manages to suck a dime from me every morning, while if you spat those words at me on a subway platform…. Id shove you into the third rail.

You're Uninspired… You're full of shite… and you look like you take it in the can, six ways from Sunday. And by the way, how can someone with a name like "Kai Blackwood"… be so unbelievably Caucasian. That name is blacker than Wesley Snipes.

10.17.05 - I honestly thought I had more enemies than fans, but apparently that is not the case, so here's an honest to goodness thanks to those of you who sent me well wishes and such while I was undergoing all this bullshit. I have good news, the docs have stated that there is likely NO TUMOR and I have NO CANCER, but there is still something fucked up, so further testing is required. Anyways, thanks again! Also I would like to note that I appreciate bands that have a sense of humor and are secure enough in the fact that I may not like them. I have become friends with one of the members of SMACKSEVEN; you remember them as last month's SHIT ASS BAND. They got the joke, and were secure enough with big balls and IM'd us to tell us they appreciated the exposure. See, it's only my opinion and not everyone is going to agree with it, and fuck man, that's ok. So please keep your e-mails coming, I have gotten some great shit, just go checkout the reviews section for my latest review! Finally something new!

9.21.05 - So yeah, no shit it's been awhile for updates, it fucking hard work trying to write stuff for this website on my own. Lately I have had far too much outside of my "fyourband" world to focus, but I promise there will be more posted soon. I am also in the process of making some changes to the site, you may have noticed some things already, or not. I have a great stockpile of bands waiting to be reviewed; I am working through them now. On a side note, some of you bands that I bashed must be wishing evil things on me, well it worked. I am currently undergoing tests to determine if I have a tumor in my fucking head, you bastards. I'll keep hating as long as you keep writing shitty fucking music, you pansy motherfuckers! Oh and for all my fans, you all kick ass, thanks for "understanding" the humor in here and NOT taking yourselves seriously. Gaaa! I forgot, cheers to all my fans at GIGSMARTIRELAND.COM what a loyal group I found on their forums, I wanted to register so I could post replies to some of you, but the site isn't allowing new registrations, so it looks like I am fucked! Drop by my forums so I can say hello, they are mighty slow lately!

8.31.05 - So I recently decided to take a few days off from work and take the 3 hour drive from New Haven, Connecticut to Albany, New York. I know you are asking yourselves, "Why in fuck's hell would you want to go all the way up to Albany?" My answer is really very simple. I wanted to see "Look What I Did" perform live. I had made arrangements with the band to meet up and hang out for a little while, so I headed up north. The venue was this hole in the wall joint with a PA likely purchased from radio shack, it barely held up. I will tell you this, regardless of how terrible the sound was "Look What I Did" is a band worth seeing live. With the energy level equal to a category 5 hurricane and the tightness of the most seasoned musicians "LWID" left me with my jaw on the floor. This, friends is an extremely talented group of players. The new CD "Minuteman for the Moment" is due out October 4th on Combat Records. Checkout the webpage here

8.10.05 - I need to share with you an email I received today. I appreciated the fact that this dude PAID ATTENTION to the statements I have made within this webpage BEFORE he sent me an email. Can you guess what his subject line was? Can ya? It was "Fuck you, you fucking fuck" I fucking love it. Here's the band's link VengeanceMetal.Com My friends and dare I say fans, you will all need to provide your input on this one. This webpage was WORSE than our friend Jim’s retarded clusterfuck html nightmare mess over at progmaticband.com. I am not going to "request" a free fucking CD asshats, just give me your MP3s to fucking download or someshit, what the fuck? I don't want to hear you crying to me that your web host doesn't have the bandwidth, or any of that crap. If you can't afford quality hosting QUIT the band and pick up more hours at the PIZZA SHACK. Yes I will judge your sorry asses by the webpage you have decided was a GREAT WAY TO PROMOTE yourselves. Oh how I tired of the scrolling boring “I don't really know what the fuck I am doing graphics” every time I load a new page, here's retard web guy’s wet dream design feature. Christ I can go on for days about this site, but I want to hear some music FIRST, after all MAYBE, just MAYBE these guys are good. Either way I hope they have a sense of humor.
In other news, it looks like Progmatic pulled their video from their webpage. The good news is I do have it downloaded. See Jim, when you make something downloadable from your webpage it does make it legal to repost, as long as I still provide credit to Progmatic. So shortly I will host the Progmatic sucks balls LIVE video. Fear not my minions.

7.28.05 - Video evidence that Progmatic sucks balls can be downloaded here! As well they lost their guitar player, Here's their ad, Modern rock/alternative band “Progmatic” is seeking new guitar player. To give you an idea of our music, it's like Sevendust meets Tool meets Breaking Benjamin. Note: You must be 21 or older, have pro gear, and be able to record in a studio. All auditions will be held in Connecticut. You must be willing to work hard and be very open minded to write. Please, professionals only! Head over to their site to get all the audtion information! Please don't let this band die, my site may be lost without them!

7.19.05 - New Review in the review section. Umm what else? Oh yeah Look What I Did is almost done with their new CD and will be heading out on tour soon. Why do I mention this band again you ask? That's easy. They kick some serious ass, I mean like a mass murderer, they fucking SLAY! Ok that was kind lame, sorry. Clay and I are trying to get ourselves press access to the upcoming HELLFEST, to provide you full coverage, the good bad, and definitely ugly. I am not up to par this month, too much crap going down; we'll get into that later. I am going to go home and go swimming in my pool.

6.30.05 - Ah, it was a nice day for e-mails. My favorite one is below.
Hi,
I don't know that guy in Progmatic, but just for the fact that he can't even spell, let alone that he's either drunk or retarded, probably both, I attached a little gif image below showing what I would like to see happen to him. I'd do it myself if I knew him.
My ex-boyfriend told me about your site. I tell you, he has GOT to be the one you had in mind when you decided to start fyourband.com. This is a very amusing and well prepared site, right down to the help page. And OH SO TRUE! I passed it along to some of my New Haven & Fairfield band friends (80's bands at that). We'll see if we can't get your attendance count up over 1. Since you can actually spell and articulate, you deserve to be seen.
Louise
(Not my real name of course)
P.S. I'm not kissing your ass, I'm not in a band. I can't even sing.

Making new friends and new fans daily! I can't wait till I hear JIM (Yes from Progmatic) finally admit, he can't sing! Oh yea, new reviews in the review section!

6.20.05 - I took a shit today, and that shit hurt, a lot. So confused and in a daze I looked into the toilet, low and behold there was a CD covered in shit. Curious about this strange event I reached into my own pile of fecal matter and pulled the CD out. I immediately washed my hands and the CD off and stared in awe at the label, what could this be, and why did it come from my ass. The label said "Found Alone" and I'm thinking more like found in a pile of Spazz's shit, but whatever. I inserted the CD into my CD player and fought through the 3 songs they had to offer. I was verbally assaulted by the third grade lyrical ability and vocal styling of the band's singer, Justin Wood. The singing reminded me of Cell Block 4's notorious bitch choking down about a gallon of the finest gene juice while singing Smashmouth covers. I shoved this CD back in my ass where it belongs, but if you are really interested in hearing any of this mess than hit up their site http://www.foundalone.com and let me know how you feel.

6.9.05 - So I am checking my e-mail the other day, sifting through some of the most asinine e-mail subjects I have ever seen. Look fucktards, if you want me to reply to you or checkout your band NEVER put "Checkout our band" in your subject line. Chances are I won't open your e-mail right away; there are about 50 other idiots with the same subject, so I ignore these. Point in case, buried between the "Checkout or Band" and "We Rawk" subject lines I found one e-mail containing the subject "Tobacco Road vs. Progmatic". Immediately I'm thinking what the fuck is this e-mail all about, and I open it. (this is the part where you click this LINK and read the e-mail) Holy crap, not only did this dude totally kiss our asses he also has thrown down the gauntlet and openly challenges Progmatic to a musical beating. I am going to find a location to host the "Tobacco Road vs. Progmatic" Cage match so if there are any promoters out there who are interested in hosting the FIRST EVER fyourband.com CAGE MATCH get in touch. I am thinking a musical duel; we'll stretch the chicken wire over the stage and hand out water balloons, used condoms and broken bottles to the crowd. Anyway, checkout www.tobaccoroadcountry.com and I will get to work on setting this event up.

6.2.05 - Man you guys are a demanding bunch aren't ya! Clay and I have been very busy writing content and interviewing people for the site. Shortly there will be NEW Assclowns in our gallery, some NEW videos in the media section and NEW interviews posted. We are looking to make June a highly productive month and will be updating content weekly if not daily. Keep your emails coming to us, we love reading what you have sent us and all your hate. For some of the bands that have sent stuff for review, we are not ignoring you; we're working on your review. It is true that some bands are just middle of the road, and will NOT be featured on fyourband.com your band NEEDS to be exceptionally BAD or GOOD not in the middle. Ok Fuck your band right in its ass bitches!

5.25.05 - Jesus, I'm Sorry did I miss something? Ah yes indeed I did. The Band of the week. Well that's because there is NO band of the week, just a guy, a little singer guy from New Haven, CT named OT. He's a bluesy, hippy, rockish kind of freak he's so rock and roll he doesn't even have a fucking web page! In other notes, checkout the interview section for Episode 2 of Progmatic vs. Fyourband.com. Also in the interview section is a discussion between me and some guy from some band called The DIJ. We also have some new stuff in the works; we have been spending extra time on things to make sure they are up to par for our fans! You fuckers are demanding!

5.13.05 - Busy ass week Mother fuckers! Spazz had a birthday and the fuckin' ducks came and destroyed his swimming pool. Clay is apartment hunting and having no luck, so your wishes of hate upon us have been succeeding! Dickey wrote like 300 pages of content which will soon be added to the page. We've made some changes to the page the most obvious in the "assclown gallery". We've also created a new site layout and design which is coming soon! Keep those e-mails coming, we have heard from a lot of great bands and even more shitty bands. We have yet to hear from PROGMATIC's lawyer.

5.6.05 - BAND OF THE WEEK! New additon to Fuck Your Band. Once a week I am going to pick out a band that I actually like and post their link right here on our frontpage. As a result of the My Space page that was made to insult us I was able to discover some excellent bands. The first band featured here at fyourband.com's band of the week is a Band called "Look What I Did". It's a nasty blend of grindcore/metal with a fantastic voclist who comes up with some great, clean melodies. This is a band worth checking out, incredible. Go Now and visit their site Here!

5.5.05 - Updates! Clay and I have posted our latest interview in the interview section. Go check it out. Also there is a special feature in the "Assclown Gallery". Also please note, one of my loyal fans, obviously someone who adores my webpage has created a myspace page about us. Check it out here http://www.myspace.com/connecticutloser as funny as this page is, I cannot claim to have made it.

- Ok, this is a good one. Checkout the following e-mail we received from one of the bands we have featured here at fyourband.com. Apparently they take themselves way too seriously.

----- Original Message -----
From: Progmaticband@#######
To: spazz@fyourband.com
Sent: Sat, 30 Apr 2005 11:59:02 EDT
Subject: Your website

This is Jim from Progmatic. We can do this the easy
way or the hard way. It will be in your best interest to remove any links
that forward to www.Progmaticband.com or content
involving our band off your website. If you choose not to, you
will be hearing from our Attorney. We will not participate in promoting
your website. What your doing is illegal.

Best Regards

So, it will be in our best interest to remove links, huh? I am thinking it would be in YOUR best interest to refrain from sending anymore e-mail to us with this cry baby sentiment attached. So fucking what if I made fun of your band? It is not illegal. If it were, then 98% of the internet would be off-line, you dolt! The only thing that is illegal here is the noise pollution you generate from your mother's basement when you and your band attempt to perform for the 12 year old girls down the street. Now grow up, act like a man, and take the joke along with a nice tall can of shut the fuck up. Idle threats will not suffice around here, especially when you don't even use spell check, fucko. I will be expecting an e-mail apology from you and your band, no later than May 6, 2005.

Clay also wanted to say. . .

No Jimbo... what we are doing is called free publicity for your website... I guarantee your bands site generated more hits as a result of our posting... check your stats when you're not too busy designing a Lucas film style dissolve on Progmaticband.com.

First lesson in the business... Bad Press IS Good Press.... the only bad press is NO press. And we're no theprp.com, or pitchforkmedia.com just yet (soon we will be).... but we're just as qualified to do what they do.

It's also covered under the United States constitution; it is called freedom of speech and of the press. It is Journalism, and its one giant Op-Ed Column. Our opinion may be unpopular to your and your like, however us sharing it is not illegal. It is covered under Falwell V. Flynt; this rule has been held up by the US Supreme court time and time again. It is a Satire of a public figure (not as public as falwell... but public enough). We have said nothing that would constitute liable, or intent to cause damages. It is a negative and COMEDIC OPINION of your band and website. If a negative opinion was a crime, the year would be 1984 and we would be living in Oceania (that's George Orwell in case you slept through High school like me) Jay Leno, David Letterman, Bill Maher do just what we do every night... just to a bigger audience.

In your fantasy world George W Bush would be able to sue Michael Moore for Fahrenheit 911...

We have not publicly distributed any of your copyrighted materials, we have not published your promo pictures, and hence forth you have no legal recourse.

If you choose to pursue legal reconciliation, that is your waste of money. However, my attorney's name is Jennifer Held... tell the Progmatic legal team to look it up if your serious.

For your homework, you should save the $$ you spend on a legal team and get some songwriting coaches and Vocal lessons, and maybe buy a record that has come out in the past 3 years. Or just read the constitution before you threaten us with legal action...

4.25.05 - Monday's always suck, until you find a new band to pick on. Click on interviews and you will find the latest update, when are bands going to learn? Ok kids a refresher course what's rule #1? Right! 1. Always remember you are NOT famous and the chances are VERY HIGH you will remain UNSIGNED and UNFAMOUS. There are over 1 million unsigned bands struggling to make it. What makes YOU think you are any better than any of them? Face it, you're NOT!

4.21.05 - Finally it's April 21 which only means I will no longer need to listen to the horde of corny ass motherfuckers telling me it's 4/20. Listen up you fucking potheads, I don't smoke pot, fuck that entry level crap and start shooting heroin, it obviously will help many of you make better music. For those of you who might be wondering where this phrase "420" came from, here is a site to help you solve that mystery, waldo420.

In other news, I received an e-mail last night which is worthy of posting. Before I get to it I will tell you this, if you want fyourband.com to endorse your band you must follow a few simple rules, as follows. You must abide by ALL the rules set forth in this site, also you must be able to appreciate a joke and criticism as well kissing our asses will never fail. SO without further adieu our first official fyourband.com middle finger of approval goes out to a band so appropriately named MURDERVAN. I checked out their music and it's good, it has that "we're having a fucking fun time fuck you your fucking fuck, this shit comes easy to us sound". A copy of their email follows.

Not to sure who to send this to, so I sent it to all of ya...That's some of the funniest shit that I've read in awhile. Especially the Rules for Bands...and we agree with a lot that was said on that page. It in a way describes how we feel too. Anyway, we're three guys from CT in a band called MURDERVAN. It would be cool if you guys check us out. We recommend http://www.myspace.com/murdervan. As well as the links below. We don't put a lot of information up about ourselves because a)who the fuck are we? and b) who honestly gives a shit? So keep up the good work on the site, and maybe we will be in contact again. Take it easy. -- Cheers, MURDERVAN
http://www.murdervan.com
http://www.myspace.com/murdervan
http://www.purevolume.com/murdervan
http://www.sonicbids.com/murdervan

Now not for nothing, but it takes a lot of balls to send a link to all your music to a site that is known for bashing the fuck out of your shit. These guys said fuck it and went ahead and did it anyway, knowing we could totally rape them, but the attitude and music spoke for itself. Take some lessons kids, I will be sending MURDERVAN out on the road to kick all your asses. The rest of you and your crappy bands still suck jail cell balls, MURDERVAN doesn't.

4.8.05 - Ok it’s been a busy few weeks, sorry for the lack of updates. I have a few things I need to address. First, if you are going to take the time to send us an e-mail please do not just send an e-mail stating “Your site sucks”. Can you be anymore of a retard? I mean we spend at least 5 minutes to construct the contents of this site, I expect the same from your e-mail, fuckers. I insist if you write something to us, especially if you are going to attempt to insult us, be more constructive. We believe in constructive criticism, so if you decide you are going to make a lame attempt to insult us here’s a few tips. Tell us why you think “we suck” tell us what we can do to “suck less” maybe we will feature you as a guest writer. We know our audience if far more intelligent than your hate mail outlines. Second, I have been released, separated, or fired, however you want to label it, from the band I was jamming with. They provided me with a very nice e-mail, which I think is the wrong way to handle this or any situation. If you are not man enough to tell someone face to face things aren’t working out than you can go fuck yourself. I think the reasons behind their choice to part ways was due in part to my wonderful web page you are currently reading. I will expose this band soon enough by deploying my minions to their “live” shows for reviews. Third, I have moved so we will be sporadic, at best, with new updates, but stay in touch, there is plenty coming. We have added a few more to our staff for example; coming this summer will be our bi-weekly video features. Yes you read correctly, we are going to provide you video feedback of your music. What the hell does this mean? Stay tuned you will soon find out!

3.30.05 - The response to our little corner of the web has been incredible. We have received tons of pictures, mp3s and, umm err well "other" stuff. Clay and I have a lot planned for this site and we're actually glad you all appreciate our big middle finger to all the bands out there. If you are interested in contributing to this site by writing, recording or just bashing people, hit us up with an e-mail or instant message, we're always around. As for the few pieces of HATE MAIL I have received, thanks, and keep it coming, your e-mail will be posted soon. I have thus far been called and asshole, butt chunk, fag basher, gay, homo, lesbian, idiot, moron, retard, fuckface, bunghole, jerk, dickface, unsupportive cock sucker, add infinitum. Nobody has come up with anything creative, yet, so I challenge you! Checkout our new forum while you are here. Keep updated because our look will slowly be changing.

3.25.05 - So Clay and I decided the other day it would be a lot of fun to split a sheet of ACID. So we hooked up, dropped and next thing I know these dudes roll up on us and toss us into the back of a van. Low and behold it's the Magic Mystery Van! Scooby is there and I am mystified by this talking dog, shaggy and I are amazed at how uncanny the resemblance to one another is. Clay is trying to get into Thelma's pants while I am slowly loosing my shit. I think that guy is driven' by some sex demon, he doesn't stop, always with the pussy. Suddenly the VAN comes to a complete stop and we are tossed out onto the side of the road. "Great!" I say to Clay "If you weren't so persistent with trying to get into Thelma's pants maybe we wouldn't be here, in the middle of nowhere." The LSD in high gear now, so we start walking. From nowhere "In a Gadda Da Vita" starts playing and playing loud. At that moment we are blackjacked and when we come to we were staring up at this. The moral of this story? Your fucking promo picture shouldn't make me feel like I am tripping on ACID you fuckass!

3.21.05 - For some reason people actually LIKE this site. I haven't even gotten started yet! Over the weekend I received over 8000 unique hits and also some interesting requests. I am pleased to announce I have added another writer to the fold, it's name is Clay Cables. I haven't figured out if it's a man or woman or both, but all I know is the reviews are going to make you piss in your pants! Keep posted!