Spazz: Clay, this is Kim – She is a “dancer” I know. She has retired.
Spazz: Kim, this is Clay
Clay Cables: Hi Kim
Kim “The Stripper”: Hey guys, just to let you know I may have to go in half hour or so.
Clay Cables: That’s ok; I only usually need about 4 minutes with a stripper anyway or with my girlfriend for that matter.
Spazz: Damn I finished already.
Clay Cables: What made you decide that stripping would be a good professional hat to try on?
Kim “The Stripper”: umm...lazy boyfriend to support. He would sit in the basement for hours, playing video games, making web sites and coming up with imaginary businesses that brought in imaginary paychecks.
Clay Cables: Hey Spazz and I could fill in for your lazy boyfriend, you just described us...anyway... was there a conversation involved like... "We need money Lazy Boyfriend"... "Well I’m not working hot girlfriend"...
Kim “The Stripper”: No I was more like a pissed off bitter "fine well now I have to do this" kind of girl
Clay Cables: Really? Very Nice
Clay Cables: Where did you used to work?
Kim “The Stripper”: NY and CT
Clay Cables: What kind of music is best for removing your clothing?
Kim “The Stripper”: George Michael just makes me lose control, Guns and Roses works too, sometimes even Slayer.
Spazz: Hey I like George Michael, let me go out to my car and grab some CDs.
Clay Cables: So you were just a free spirit, not ashamed of your body.
Kim “The Stripper”: oh god no
Clay Cables: ahh, nice.
Spazz: How long after you started "Dancing" were you Single?
Kim “The Stripper”: I was single after about a year and a half
Spazz: When did the drunken, 4am phone calls from the Ex-Lazy Boyfriend Stop?
Kim “The Stripper”: uh... let's see...it's been five years and I'm expecting them to end any day now
Clay Cables: I’m sorry... my speed dial is a mess...
Kim “The Stripper”: Laughs
Kim “The Stripper”: so boys what's next for the site?
Spazz: Strippers
Kim “The Stripper”: really?
Clay Cables: Definitely... Fyourband.com Boobies. It needs boobies... Nice ones... not the sloppy ones
Clay Cables: What are your measurements for our readers at home with their hand in their pants?
Kim “The Stripper”: I’m a size 6, 5’ 8” 34c, see, all natural
Clay Cables: Gasp!
Spazz: (Stares in awe) she knows the rule “Show us your Tits”

After a brief run to the restroom Clay returned, dumped Cold water on Spazz and continued the interview.

Spazz: How many times while working as a "dancer" did guys convince themselves they had a chance? And how many actually scored!
Kim “The Stripper”: ZERO scored and at least 70% were made to believe that I loved them. That’s my job, to make them think I love them, they spend money when they think they’re going to get laid. We do get them so drunk they don't know any better and then we take their Money.
Clay Cables: I knew strippers were pickpockets. Cause I’ve walked out a few bucks lighter then I thought, more times than I like to admit.
Spazz: I had that happen, except they were at my house.
Clay Cables: That’s a hooker dude.
Spazz: Ah, there’s a difference?
Clay Cables: Ignore him, please.
Spazz: Can we proceed?
Kim “The Stripper”: Most guys can't think when they have boobs on their eyebrows.
Spazz: I can, try me.
Kim “The Stripper”: Haha, I’ll pass.
Spazz: What's a guy got to do to score with a stripper? Any tips?
Kim “The Stripper”: find a stripper that is as stupid and as slutty as she looks and than tell her you have some ecstasy and a limo
Clay Cables: How many strippers are there? What’s the ratio to college grad to dumb whore?
Kim “The Stripper”: Strippers are like roaches...they are everywhere you just don't see them, till you look in the right places.
Clay Cables: By the way, I have some ecstasy.... fuck... where’s the limo....
Kim “The Stripper”: 1 college grad (real college...not the Barbizon school of beauty) to 20 bimbos
Clay Cables: That’s like 1 real college grad (Boston College) to 20 Radio DJs (CT School of broadcasting)
Spazz: hahaha
Spazz: Ok, back to the serious questions. What chances do Clay and I have of scoring with a stripper?
Kim “The Stripper”: Do you have money, Ecstasy, and a limo? Are you going clubbing? Strippers like clubbing. It's like aliens returning to the mother ship.

(Spazz and Clay look at one another, rummage through their pockets and come up with some lint, 14 cents, ecstasy and the keys to Spazz’s 1987 Chevy Blazer.)

Spazz: Looks like No, Yes and No.
Clay: Yea and I suck at dancing. Think “First I limp to the side like my leg was broken. Shaking and twitching kinda like I was smoking…Crazy Wack Funky…People say you look like MC Hammer on Crack, Humpty”
Clay Cables: according to Chinese astrology, It IS the year of the cock.... does this help my chances of bagging a stripper?
Kim “The Stripper”: yes
Clay Cables: Nice!
Spazz: How can I keep my daughter off the pole? Or tell me how could I have kept YOU off the Pole if you were my daughter?
Clay Cables: Nice question Spazz!
Kim “The Stripper”: Never let her get implants, hope to god she doesn't have a painfully long gawky stage. If you were my Dad, you should have had my Lazy, video game playing boyfriend wacked.
Clay Cables: How did you tell your Parents you were showing boobies for $$$? Did they ever come down and be like "This is what a Catholic School tuition got us?”
Kim “The Stripper”: um, parents didn't know of course, they thought I was a dental assistant.
Clay Cables: Still a dental assistant? Went from Exotic Dancing...into the Oral Field.
Spazz: Nice!
Kim “The Stripper”: Actually, yes, I learned so much about the profession in order to get my lies correct that I just figured why not?
Clay Cables: Did anyone ever give another girl’s Dad a dance?
Kim “The Stripper”: Happens a lot, girls will dance for parents, parents friends, exes, landlords, brothers, sisters, it’s an endless list.
Clay Cables: Ever give your landlord a dance to "pay the rent"
Kim “The Stripper”: I had a female landlord
Clay Cables: Same question
Kim “The Stripper”: Of Course
Clay Cables: good girl
Clay Cables: Did you ever come across the nearly washed up near-rock star trying to bag you backstage at a show?
Kim “The Stripper”: All the time! That's why I stopped working in CT. NY and NJ and MA seemed to have less pipedreams running around.
Clay Cables: We should get you a T-Shirt.... Blind Justice Paid my Rent.
Spazz: That would be Spazz paid my Rent. Blind Justice never paid me any cash, I threw all my own cash at strippers. Over-Time at the convenience store baby!
Kim “The Stripper”: I remember, you were always right in the front waving your stack of singles around.
Spazz: Well what else was I supposed to do in the strip club? I mean besides drool.
Clay Cables: Kim, what was the grimiest thing you’ve ever done on stage or in the "Champagne room"? Did you have like a trademark move?
Kim “The Stripper”: I could do all the pole flippy stuff, never did anything gross though. I have had lots of insane offers to do things, I’m just not like that. I do know girls who have had intercourse with beer bottles.
Spazz: Is there a such thing as a gentleman at a strip club?
Kim “The Stripper”: no
Clay Cables: Then WHY are they called gentleman clubs?
Kim “The Stripper”: if you're there, you're not a gentleman. Most men go to a strip club because they are searching for something that doesn't exist.
Clay Cables: I have a low Seratonin output... so when I strangle them I still have an insanity defense
Clay Cables: I mean...
Clay Cables: never mind